Let’s just say Covid came and pretty much ruined every plan for 2020! 2020 didn’t even happen? Let me just press delete!
Yes it’s true that because of this virus the whole world has been slowed down and truth be told I’m so used to being on the go, that I almost panicked thinking what will I do during lock down?
My anxious mind was stressing me out, I work from home so being outdoors and socialising is my escapism from the ‘working from home’ life! When the lockdown was announced I felt ok for a bit but then my mind started to wander…What if? What if? What if?
I initially saw it negatively, however I soon realised that I had so much more time to do whatever I wanted to do. Things that I never made time for or made excuses for not doing! But most of all, I’d realised, a time like this was never really going to come back in our lives meaning that most of us had been given time to finally slow down and reset.
My first month in lockdown went so well. I was working from home, spending more time with my husband, cooking so much more, creating YouTube videos, exercising and doing more yoga. It felt amazing, I was on track and lockdown didn’t really affect me.
For the first week I was still on track. But then I missed one exercise session, followed by a second, followed by a third, fourth, fifth and then I’d missed the whole month! I don’t even know when I stopped the yoga (that’s because I have to ask myself three times a day – what day is it today?). YouTube videos slowed down – I’d say tomorrow, I’ll do it tomorrow and so on! By the end of month two, a whole month had passed but I was left thinking I didn’t do enough! I wasted a whole month? On what? What did I do?
I won’t even go into. There is no accountability whatsoever!
My point is that I expected every month to be the same as the first and when that did not happen I was left feeling disappointed with myself. I’m big on expectations, and expectations are something that if not managed well can end up hurting you or affecting you in a negative way! And that’s exactly what happened! I am generally hard on myself but that is to motivate myself to do better the next time. This strategy did not work and that is because the time we are going through poses a lot of uncertainty and to make it a new norm, is not always easy.
I’m learning to accept that everyday does not need to be filled with activities and things to do. Some days can just be there to relax! Waking up, showering and doing nothing for the rest of the day is also enough! Peaks and trophs in life are normal, without the trophs you won’t appreciate the peaks and without the peaks you won’t grow through the trophs.
One thing I noticed is that, all the activities I did in month one of lockdown didn’t go as planned in month two. The three activities that I stopped or slowed down doing were all my grounding techniques to help with my anxiety. I knew my anxiety was creeping back in because one night my husband was fast asleep and there I was having a coughing fit. You know what thought came next, ‘Corona is that you?’ I actually thought, crap I have corona, then I couldn’t sleep because I was so anxious! At 1am in the morning, I’m on amazon putting a thermometer in my basket for next day delivery! The hypochondriac in me had risen to my disadvantage and I spent three days worrying and feeling paranoid (my temperature was normal but I’ll never know)!
I guess I need to start back with the yoga and get this anxiety back in control. I am sure there are many others out there who feel similarly and I want to tell you that it is OK to feel this way. We are living through uncertain times where even hugging our own family members has been taken away. Just take each day as it comes – no passing time is here to stay forever.
With Love and Gratitude